Romance resolutions for the new year

"We need to trust our romantic instincts more. If it feels right, go for it. And if your fo gut says no, listen..."
Happy 2009, Southwest Florida. Let's make the next twelve months a great time for romance with these relationship resolutions for the coming year.

1. Date local. With the variety of dating sites on the Internet today, there's no excuse for staying home alone in 2009. If you're serious about finding love this year, sign-up for one of the big online communities: eHarmony or Match.com. Want to find romance but hesitant to plunk down the monthly fee? Post your profile at the free dating Web site Plentyoffish.com. A quick search returned over 600 profiles of single men between 25 and 45 in the Lee and Collier area. Like 'em soulful? Check out guitar-playing "hopeless romantic" Irock115 (26, Capricorn). Do looks matter most? Thirty five-yearold luv2getsome has dark eyes, a great smile, and a "full head of hair." With this fee-less matchmaking site, money shouldn't be an obstacle to love in the new year.

2. Join a club. Not everyone likes to air their single status on Internet dating sites. If you want to meet new people in 2009 but are afraid to go public with your search, try extracurricular activities. Meetup.com lists more than 100 local groups, complete with member pictures and profiles, and it's free to join. The site arranges groups by topic and location. The SW Florida Photog-raphy Meetup, which has 150 members, says “Come join us for photo shoots around the area or for discussion of various photography related topics over coffee.” With clubs for motorcycle riders, scuba divers, single parents, and ex-Jehovah’s witnesses, there is sure to be something for everyone.

3. Trust your instincts. In Malcolm Gladwell’s best selling “Blink,” he details the human ability to rapidly and accu-rately “thin slice” an experience. Often times, Mr. Gladwell says, our subcon-scious has processed a person or sit-uation before our con-scious mind knows it. He tells about a scientific experiment where participants chose between two decks of cards, red and blue. The participant either earned or lost a sum of money with each card overturned, seemingly at random. Unbeknownst to the subject, the red cards featured significant-ly more “lose” cards than the blue deck. On average, participants admitted having an intui-tive sense that the blue cards provided better payoffs after turning over 40 cards. By the 80 card mark, most sub-jects figured out the trick. What’s really interesting is that participants actually began choosing from the blue deck more frequently after turning over only 20 cards. Their brains had processed the implica-tions subconsciously and they were acting — to their best benefit — on an instinctual level. What does this mean for dating in ‘09? We need to trust our romantic instincts more. If it feels right, go for it. And if your gut says no, listen.

4. Stop faking it. Let’s face it, when partners deliver less than the real thing, everyone loses. In 2009, I challenge you to be truthful — in your rela-tionships, in your emotions, and (yes) in your sex life. We would all benefit from greater honesty, with others and our-selves.

5. Love more. More openly. More frequently. And with more of your heart. It’s the best way to ensure more love in your life this new year