Economic woes can lead to marital stress

DEAR DR. LeCRONE: My husband and I have had a good marriage for the past 10 years but the bad economy is now tearing us apart. Please give us some help.

— A reader in Texas

Dear reader: The negative effects of a very bad economy on marriages often bring tragedy. Loss of jobs, homes, health insurance and other necessities require tough decisions that include a much lower standard of living.

Some people become preoccupied with blame, individually or on each other, and this mind-set leads to many negative feelings.

Joblessness, longer working hours, a second or third job and the stress that may arise in an attempt to keep a job can all result in impaired relations in a marriage.

Communication patterns and topics of conversation are dominated by talk about economic issues. Arguments, fatigue and burnout often arise, and the relationship becomes lost in what the couple perceives as more important priorities.

In coping with the financial strain on the marriage, the couple needs to keep financial issues in the proper perspective. When spouses have a strong commitment to each other and the marriage, negative economic factors are less likely to produce cracks in the relationship.

The couple should set aside time to be together in a relaxed atmosphere, free from other distractions. Have a date together with something as simple as sitting in a park, having a picnic or taking a ride in the country.

Often an inexpensive weekend getaway brings some of the excitement back to the relationship and provides the stamina needed to proceed through difficult and stressful times.

Couples should focus on triumphs rather than tragedies. During the day-today struggle with economic downturns, emphasize humor, refrain from statements of defeat and avoid preoccupation with stories depicting difficulties.

Emotional factors, such as anxiety and depression, can negatively impact the relationship. If chronic worry, fear and preoccupation with economic difficulties have caused emotional dysfunction, then professional consultation may be needed.

Strong connections with family, friends and religious beliefs are important. Community agencies that are prepared to provide assistance during difficult times are also often helpful.

Couples need to avoid putting too much of their focus on financial matters, although that can be difficult at times. By increasing their focus on maintaining a healthy marital relationship, they create a foundation for problem solving and the development of creative coping strategies that help couples navigate through these troubled times.

— Hap LeCrone is a Waco, Texas, clinical psychologist. If you have questions or topics you would like him to discuss, writ e to him at 4555 Lake Shore Drive, Waco 76710 or e-mail him at hlecrone@ aol.com.